Let’s talk about last week.
Hello again all,
Just thought I’d devote today’s post to explaining why I’ve been a bit… Meh, as of recent. I’m trying to make a bit of a change in my life regarding my career, and it’s not been going brilliantly. Add to that the fact that work at the moment is pretty stressful, and that my waning self-confidence has me constantly comparing myself, my skillset, and my level of competence to everyone around me, and coming up short. I’ve had a couple of anxiety attacks as well, which haven’t been helping.
That’s one of the most frustrating aspects of suffering from anxiety and depression. Especially if you’re trying to carry on with life as normally as possible; you’re acutely aware that you’re not coping, and yet you try to soldier on. You don’t want to let people down, and so you sacrifice a lot of your emotion and energy to make sure you get things finished. You don’t WANT to feel the way you do, to feel that you’re not as able as everyone else is, to feel helpless. But the feelings cut through anyway, because they’re a part of you, emanating from the deepest parts of your mind.
I know that I’m not bad at the things I do; for everything that somebody else does better than me, I surpass them in three others. I know that I am, in fact, a very capable person. I know that I am not alone in feeling like this, and that I have a great support network in my friends and family. What I need to work on is being able to realise that unconsciously, rather than having to consciously realise these things and lick my self-esteem into shape.
The good news is that I’m feeling better now. I may be suffering setbacks professionally, but hey, hasn’t everyone? Something will come along soon, and I’ll be able to prove both to myself and to the world that I’m a very capable professional. I’ve improved in my comic art recently, and I’ve even completed a couple of acrylic paintings that I’m very pleased with!
Anyway, hopefully that’s explained a little bit about what’s been going on the last little while. Hopefully I won’t lapse again; and I was right, I managed to not let it affect the delivery of the comic!
See you on Friday! I’m thinking about showing you my paintings!
M.
Well I hope that your week goes better for you. Can I ask what the painting are of?
I’m a bit late with this reply, as I’ve long-since published photos of the painting, but in other news I’ll be starting Slimblog back up on Saturday, thanks to you reminding me that I should be making more of an effort!
I understand how you feel. I have post-traumatic stress disorder and lately been having flashbacks of anger and anxiety. Take as long as you need. Also, interested in those paintings!
Sorry to hear about your PTSD, pal; I have my own flashes of anxiety and humiliation from time to time, and I can only imagine that they pale in comparison. But we carry on, always and ever!