Here’s the thing: Online dating is supposed to help people who aren’t necessarily the outgoing type, or those who can’t spend much time going out to bars, hobby clubs and the like. It’s supposed to be a place where you can look up like-minded people, and chat with them about things you have in common to decide if you want to meet up.

What they DON’T tell you beforehand, is exactly how soul-destroying and energy-sapping the whole affair is. Okay, granted, I’m extrapolating data based on my own experience, but from what I gather mine is a relatively common experience. One where you try and get into the spirit of things, to actively look for ladies with similar personalities and interests and send them messages that do their best to engage them in conversation on common ground.

And then you get ignored. Not just no response: ACTIVELY ignored. They show up to your profile, judge you, find you wanting, and then go away without a word. Now, I’m somewhat wary of rejection, hence my difficulty in asking people out in person. However, to be completely ignored in such a fashion is so much more affecting than a simple ‘No thanks’. Now, I agree in general with the idea that the people you message don’t owe you a response. But when you’ve taken the time to write a thoughtful message that tries to put across the similarities between the two of you, only to be summarily tossed aside. It jars, it really does.

Combined with my general neuroses, my attempts to be more confident and forthcoming in finding a date have led to one of the LOWEST fortnights I have ever experienced (which some of you have seen, and I appreciate all the support that’s been given to me). I joined up the site to try and boost my self-esteem; it ended up ramping my confidence off a cliff into a sea of abject despair.

So, it seems that the online dating world is as ill-suited for me as the physical dating world. I know I’m just ranting, railing against the world here, but damn it if it doesn’t feel that my efforts thusly just go in vain. I’m not giving up altogether, though; I just really need to get away from the steaming pile of annoyance that is online dating. Maybe I can use this as a learning experience, a sign that I need to push myself further in person in finding someone to share my life with.

And if I wind up old and alone, well, at least you’ll have gotten a few decades’ worth of angsty stories out of it, so at least somebody wins 😛

M.